Frat Parties

For Guys: an excuse to drink and then get a girl to rub her ass against your crotch for upwards of 2 hours, if all goes well ending in rapid, embarrassed sex in an unfamiliar back room, followed by weeks or possibly even months of worrying about running into that girl again. Except at other Frat Parties, when the worry becomes a faint hope that if you DO run into her again, you will be able to get another 2 hours of crotch-rubbing out of her and maybe even sex, though no guarantees.

For Girls: an excuse to dress up, look nice, try on several different outfit combinations with all of your friends, talk loudly in the hallways about it, take pictures, try to get all the cute boys you know in the dorm to tell you how pretty you look, pretend to get upset when they don’t seem that interested, invite them out to the party, spend at least another half hour second-guessing your outfit based on the weather, the distance to the frat, the time at which you plan to get back, and how much vomit you think may be involved in the night’s events. (This all happens before the girl even gets to the party.) AT the Frat Party, the primary activities include dancing to the shitty music with all of your girlfriends, “putting your hands up” when they “play your song”, making fun of guys that try to dance with you, drinking a few beers, eventually getting tipsy enough to let a guy dance with you, asking your friends in a very obvious manner if the guy is cute, and eventually rubbing your ass into his crotch because you know thats what he wants and he COULD be the future father of your children and also maybe a doctor with a lot of money one day but thats getting your hopes up a little high.

For Lesbians and/or Bicurious girls: all of the above stated for the “Girls” category, plus a chance to make out with that pretty girl from down the hall after she gets drunk.  She will claim not to remember it, but you know she liked it.  Though, come to think of it, she may have only liked it because she thought that all the straight guys around her would think it was a turn-on.  Meh.

For Gay Guys:  An excuse to drink your sexual orientation away.

i am not a fan.

 

 

*******LOOKING back over this, I think I was a little harsh on Lesbians and Bicuri girls, especially since at least 2 of the people I love most in the world right now fall into that category.  However, as a gay guy, they remain somewhat of a mystery to me.  Yeah I know you’d think it would be a similar situation, but I’m never sure, so I just based my criticisms on what I’ve actually seen instead of what I’d like to or hoped to see.  And what I have seen isn’t necessarily accurate.  But, again, girls in general are a bigger mystery to me than chemistry, and I do not understand chemistry at all.  SO my apologies to anybody, particularly any Bicuri or Lesbian girls, who may consider taking offense to my comments.  It was not my intention.  I’m sure you are all wonderful and wholesome people.

I think my comments on straight people were right on though, if I do say so myself.

~ by statetheradio on November 14, 2009.